I've Been In A Relationship On And Off With The Same Guy For 5 Years...

Question: I've been in a relationship on and off with the same guy for 5 years - he recently ended his short engagement to get back with me... several months have passed and now he has reneged and is not sure if he wants to be with me or his ex-fiancé or by himself. I have stopped seeing him - but there are so many issues, emotions, anger etc lingering and I feel we both need closure/answers and am considering getting some counseling together... is this a good idea? We have tried 3 times to make it work without professional counseling without success... something falls apart and our walls come up and before you know it we are 'over' again.

Answer (1) I would suggest that you see someone together first, in order to discover what this extreme ambivalence on both your parts is about. To identify what continually goes wrong, why and most importantly, can it realistically be resolved. Of course you risk finding out that perhaps it can't and then having to do the work in letting go and moving on, separately. Five years is a long time to spend to-ing and fro-ing. I think it's time for action now.

Answer provided by David White

Answer (2) I would suggest having some counselling on your own initially. It sounds like there has been some indecisiveness in the relationship, and as you have said you are understandably feeling a multitude of emotions. I would recommend seeing a therapist to discuss your own individual needs, your emotions surrounding this relationship, and allowing you the space and freedom to decipher whether this relationship is something _you_ want to invest more energy into. By identifying your own needs and relationship goals, you will be more _empowered_ and better able to participate in couple counselling, if you decide that you would like to follow that course of action.

Answer provided by Louise Williams