Miss Stephanie de Niese

A conversation with Stephanie de Niese

• What led you to choose psychotherapy or counselling as a profession?

  This profession was always something I knew was meant for me. I decided on this pathway at the age of 12 and although had hit the usual stumbling blocks along the way, I eventually found my place.
  
  I come from a big family - immediate and extended - so from an early age I understood the variety of personalities and characters that can emerge from the one source and how they interact and interplay with one another.
  
  This led me to observing the same thing in my friendship groups and soon led to me playing the unofficial counsellor role; a role that fit like a second skin.

• Which philosophical approaches have influenced your professional development?

  Existential and Catholic philosophies have been two of the most important philosophical approaches that have influenced me.
  
  From a professional perspective, existential philosophy has made a large impact on providing me with the language and understanding of what it means to be a living human being in this world. Oftentimes, I have been able to identify and work through in myself and those around me ongoing struggles with the different aspects of existence such as uncertainty, death/loss, isolation, meaninglessness, choice and responsibility, etc. These were ever more highlighted by the pandemic.
  
  Personally, the Catholic faith and its philosophy have developed my inner self more than anything I have encountered. It provides me with meaning, especially in times of great suffering. It's a philosophy that is able to hold the 'both/and' perspective and does not shy away from hard things. It has encouraged me to hold myself accountable for my shortcomings at the same time treat myself and others with the depth of love and compassion that Jesus demonstrated for us.

• Which particular aspects of health or the human journey are you interested in?

  I am most interested in the emotional and spiritual aspects of the human journey. That said, the physical and mental aspects are so important, too. My fascination has always been more geared towards the emotional and spiritual because I feel that these aspects are two large sources of misunderstanding and miscommunication in our world. They are also two sources of the most profound healing that we have been given.

• What methods do you use?

  I use experiential tasks primarily from Focusing-Oriented Therapy and Emotion-Focused Therapy, for example chair work and focusing.
  
  Sometimes talking it out, exploring our concerns in that way and having someone truly listen and understand is what we need. In this way, I use the person-centred method of reflective listening, and the emotion-focused method of empathic exploration.
  
  Other times, engaging in more experiential tasks that elicit a deeper shift in our healing is what is called for and this is where Focusing-Oriented therapy really shines and transforms!
  
  Lastly, I support clients in connecting with God (as long as that is part of their faith and they want to/open to it). Most of the time this is simply through the methods described above. Occasionally prayer might be involved but this usually happens at the client's request.
  
  

• When do you think the client will start to feel that progress is being made?

  It depends. Some clients may feel progress after the first couple of sessions. Others might need more time. It most definitely depends on what the client defines as 'progress'.
  
  What's your definition?
  
  How do you know if you're making progress versus going backwards? Is it more internal or external or both? Is it based on your thoughts, feelings, experience or how others perceive you?
  
  What is important is the client's level of engagement and the strength of the relationship between the client and therapist..

• How has therapy made a difference in your life?

  Both personally and professionally, therapy has made me more compassionate, understanding, empathetic and patient. It has also humbled me immensely. There is something so precious about another human being trusting you with their vulnerabilities, with their soul. That will always and forever be the greatest honour and privilege I humbly experience.

• What do you like most about being a therapist?

  I like the connection I build with my clients. The relationship I have with each of my clients is truly important to me. I like being a witness and companion to them on their journey of self-discovery, self-improvement.

• Do you ever have 'bad hair' days?

  Is it possible to not have a 'bad hair' day? If you want to know how I deal with them, well, I usually cry. I'm human, just like you, and 'bad hair' days remind me I am not superwoman and I don't have all the answers.
  
  I feel the same vulnerability and uncomfortable feelings that are part and parcel of being human.
  
  Professionally, 'bad hair' days look a little different and are dealt with by attending supervision to help me grow and process what's going on for me and how to better help my clients.
  

• What do you think is the most significant problem we face, in the world today?

  Honestly, I think it's our disconnection with ourself, others, and above all (and I'd say, most importantly) with God.
  
  This disconnection with self, others, and God leads to an inability to sit with discomfort.
  
  Being unsafe and being uncomfortable are two different things.
  
  I think we've grown too accustomed to the 'easy' life, finding things to distract us from our deeper, internal happenings that may make us feel uncomfortable with the truths they want us to acknowledge.
  
  I think we need to build up our tolerance for sitting with discomfort and expanding that to develop deeper connections with ourself, others, and God.
  
  Why does this make me feel uncomfortable? What's hard about it to hear/to see? What image of myself do I want to portray that I am avoiding acknowledging this discomfort and therefore maintaining disconnection?
  
  There's so much knowledge, understanding, and growth to be had by sitting with and exploring our discomfort and disconnection.

• Can you share the name of a book, film, song, event or work of art that inspires you?

  It's a quote that inspires me:
  "But anything exposed by the light will be illuminated and anything illuminated turns into light."
  - Eph 5: 13-14