Kylie Long

A conversation with Kylie Long

• What led you to choose psychotherapy or counselling as a profession?

  I came to this work through my own journey. In my late thirties, I was dealing with chronic pain, disconnection from my body, and the impact of past trauma on my sexuality and relationships. I'd spent twenty years working in systems change, community development, and family violence reform - facilitating change at a structural level. But I realised the most intimate landscape of change was my own body and my own intimate life.
  
  I began a deep apprenticeship: process-oriented psychotherapy, somatic work, nervous system healing. What I discovered wasn't a single fix - it was a relationship with my own body that I'd never been taught to have. Somewhere along the way, I realised I loved this work. Not just for myself - for everyone. So I trained formally and now practice as a psychotherapist and somatic sexologist.

• Which philosophical approaches have influenced your professional development?

  Process-oriented psychology has been my primary influence - a method that follows the client's process rather than imposing a framework. It incorporates somatics, deep democracy, and a Taoist principle of following what's emerging.
  
  But I've also been deeply influenced by feminist theory (the understanding that personal struggles exist in cultural context), somatic traditions (the body as a site of wisdom and healing), and ecological thinking (the recognition that we are not separate from the living world). I'm also informed by nervous system science, Gottman Method, and internal family systems work. I'm a lifelong learner - I adapt towards what works for each unique client.

• Which particular aspects of health or the human journey are you interested in?

  I'm interested in the places where things are most complex - where simple causality breaks down and something deeper is asking for attention. I've always been drawn to the intersection of embodiment, spirituality, and the natural world.
  
  For me, good health is feeling deeply connected - to my body, to the earth, to something larger than myself. I have a daily practice of meditation, breathwork (pranayama), and time in nature. I bring this sensibility into my work: an understanding that healing isn't just about symptom reduction. It's about remembering our belonging - to our bodies, to each other, to the wild, intelligent world that holds us.

• What methods do you use?

  My primary method is process-oriented psychology - following the client's process rather than imposing a technique. But I draw from many modalities depending on what's needed: somatic psychotherapy, contemporary sex education, nervous system science, Gottman Method for couples, feminist therapy, and breathwork.
  
  I'm very adaptive. What works for one client may not work for another - and what works on one day may not work on another. My underlying principle is: right method for the right need at the right time. I also bring 20 years of conflict resolution and systems change experience into the room, which is invaluable for couples work and for understanding how power and culture shape our intimate lives.

• When do you think the client will start to feel that progress is being made?

  This is different for everyone. Some clients feel a shift within the first session - a sense of relief, of being heard, of things beginning to make sense. For others, especially those who have been deeply disconnected or numb, it takes longer. The nervous system needs time to feel safe enough to unfold.
  
  I always help clients feel some sense of progress from the beginning, even if it's small - naming what's happening, understanding why their body responds the way it does, feeling seen. That said, the client's commitment matters. A good therapist follows the client's process, but the client is the one doing the work. When that happens, progress unfolds naturally - sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly, always in its own time.

• How has therapy made a difference in your life?

  I've been doing my own therapeutic work consistently for over 18 years. I continue to do my own therapy - I practice what I preach.
  
  Early in my adult life, I tried therapy but couldn't find the right fit. A sex therapist once told me my partner and I were "playing cat and mouse" around our sex life. I wasn't ready to hear it then - but in retrospect, she was right.
  
  The real shift came during the breakdown of my marriage. I worked with a somatic psychotherapist who helped me understand how disconnected I was from my own feelings, how burnt out I had become. She helped me see the gender dynamics playing out in my relationship and my workplace. And she helped me understand how early experiences of sexual abuse were affecting me as a woman and sexual being.
  
  That work was profound. It changed everything - so much so that I decided to become a therapist myself. I've continued therapy through a process-oriented lens for another eight years, and it continues to deepen my connection with my deeper self and dreams and my capacity as a woman, mother, partner, activist and as a practitioner.

• What do you like most about being a therapist?

  I've had many vocations - community development, conflict resolution, place maker, government reform, senior advisory roles and so on. But what I love most about being a therapist is the intimacy of it.
  
  I get to meet people soul to soul. We talk about what's real - what's actually going on in their lives, their bodies, their relationships. There's a tenderness and a vulnerability that isn't present in other kinds of work. It's a privilege to be invited into someone's inner world when they're feeling deeply uncertain or ashamed, and to support them in reclaiming their aliveness and agency.

• Do you ever have 'bad hair' days?

  Most days are a bad hair day in the literal sense! But more seriously - yes, I wake up feeling stiff, grumpy or flat like anyone else.
  
  The difference is that I have learned to meet myself there. I have a morning practice: breathwork, meditation, gentle movement, time outside. I turn the beginning of the day into something sacred, even on the days I don't feel like it. This is what I offer in my work - not a promise of constant ease, but tools for meeting yourself with compassion even on the hard days.

• What do you think is the most significant problem we face, in the world today?

  Disconnection. We are disconnected from the earth, from nature, and from our own true wild natures.
  
  We are living with the legacy of multiple generations of trauma - the exploitation of the earth, the exploitation of women's bodies, the silencing of indigenous wisdom. The consequence is that we have outsourced our sense of choice, agency, and self-knowledge to authorities outside ourselves. We don't know ourselves - our bodies, our desires, our complexity, our beauty.
  
  The great work of our time, I believe, is to return to our own true nature. That doesn't mean rejecting modern medicine or science. It means balance. It starts with a deep relationship with ourselves - with all of our parts, the ones that fit neatly into society and the wild parts that are looking for expression. Until we embrace our own wildness, we won't appreciate the wild beauty of the earth. My heart aches at our ongoing exploitation of our planetary home and I fear for the legacy we are creating for future generations.

• Can you share the name of a book, film, song, event or work of art that inspires you?

  For as long as I can remember, I have carried multiple books with me everywhere. I'm interested in so many topics - embodiment, ecology, spirituality, sexuality, mysticism, neuroscience, relationships, regeneration.
  
  One book that has deeply influenced me in the last year is Emily Conrad's "Life on Land" - a biographical account of the development of her body of work, Continuum movement. I love it because she weaves her own life story into the development of her practice. Her work is profound: helping us understand how we can facilitate our own regeneration through sound, breath, and deep awareness - learning to trust and surrender to the intelligence of our bodies and the great field of the earth and cosmos.
  
  I'm also inspired daily by the natural world - the wildness of the Northern Tablelands, where I live and work. The land itself teaches me about slowness, cycles, belonging, and the patience of deep time.