What is betrayed by an illicit affair and why does it matter?

Question: What is betrayed by an illicit affair and why does it matter?

Answer: In order to navigate relationship we have a well tried mental map, which most of the time shows us where we have come from, where we stand and where we're going. It's okay to not know where we are some of the time and to be surprised by where we're heading. However, in our most intimate relationship and in their sweet delights, it's important to know that this intimate connection is home: the place where we rest, revive and celebrate delicious belonging. It's like the in and out breath of recognition, feeling safe to take it all in and to let it all go.

An illicit affair tears up the map and rips through the territory of that sacred belonging, destroying our trust, our belief in ourselves and the loyalty with our beloved. Betrayal throws us out on to a street bereft of meaning, no longer sure where we've come from nor where we're going and the ground beneath us, treacherous. We hurt. We're wounded, our heart broken open. And that's a place we get to know quite well, sometimes for the first time learning to love ourselves for ourselves not because someone else is bound to us by 'love'.

However, if our beloved continues to betray our trust despite knowing we're vanquished, then the hurting overwhelms our ability to cope and can turn into trauma. That's a place few travel voluntarily and few come out of alone. Navigating the way out takes knowledge, support, love and healing. Sometimes we can't do that with the ones who are hurting us. And so we begin to grieve all over again for the loss of those once so precious to us. We get to know our heart at an even deeper level, and arrive at a clearer space of letting go. Through this cruel opening, we begin anew, feeling the connection from our new found, deepest core and out to all those who suffer in a similar way - through their trusting and being betrayed.

Sometimes our love can flow alongside those who's love betrays, without any wish to re-engage them. This is a much bigger, kinder out breath and in breath. Embracing more than we would have thought possible when first our heart broke open. And there at our feet embracing the earth, strong, soft and tender, our heart won hand made map that will guide us to the next place in the long journey home.

Answer provided by Peter Fox

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