In my practice as a sexologist, the most common presenting issue is that of desire discrepancy ... or is it? When we get down to asking couples a few questions about their lifestyle and intimacy expectations, it becomes very clear that busy lives can obstruct the intimate connections they so desire with their partner.
Do you invest time in your relationship?
And if you do ... do you invest time in your intimate relationship?
We are all familiar with the honeymoon period (or limerence) of a relationship. Our bodies give us a flush of wonderful hormones that make spontaneous sex possible and lots of it too. As relationships progress, so do life’s complications and then after 6 - 24 months, those hormones that helped us experience a blissful honeymoon state just disappear! Now you find yourself in a long-term relationship and you will need to work at your intimate life.
Juggling jobs, children, social and family commitments as well as domestics and health and fitness regimes can be hectic. Many couples find it difficult to find intimate time. Often they expect to feel sexy at the end of a long day when they flop into bed exhausted ... hmmm that doesn’t feel very sexy to me!
My top tips to make time for intimacy are:
Take time to chat with each other every day ... to connect, as lovers – not domestic partners or parents!
Make time for intimacy in your week,
-- Take a bath together
-- Make one night a week take out night and use the time you would have spent prepping your meal and cleaning up, to get sexy with each other
-- Take a naked nap together
-- Have some naked cuddle time
-- Turn off the TV and have technology-free time (no phones, iPads, laptops etc)
-- Give each other a massage ... alternate on different days so it doesn't become too large a chunk of time to find
-- Appreciate each other and let each other know
-- Send sexy texts to your lover to keep the simmer going
-- Check your diaries and compare notes - it's not boring, it's making time to be with each other.
Remember to kiss each other hello and goodbye ... not a peck ... a six second kiss, a kiss with intent!
Remember your intimate time with your partner is a chance to jump off the busy merry-go-round of life and just “be.”
Take time out to enjoy each other.
Posted on 21 June 2013 in
- Temenos Journal
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