The myth of the natural step mother

I have taken respected family therapist Harriet Lerner’s advice to heart when she suggests stepmothers completely step out of the ideal of closeness and resist pressure from wherever it comes to be the “ideal new mother.” She encourages new stepmothers to define their own role based on what feels right for them. This is a bit like writing your own job description. It can be done in consultation with her partner, but I encourage stepmothers to really make it their own and then just stick to it. If you are gracious, but clear and firm in your position, the other members of the family will adjust to you, even if it takes some time. The old saying, ‘if mumma’s not happy; ain’t nobody is happy’ is true for most families, but especially so in a stepfamily. Being a stepparent is a privilege and an entrustment, so be confident in who you are. Craft your role and relationship with the kids intentionally and carefully over time. Everyone will win!

Marcia Watts
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Modern Marriage
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Food for Thought
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The Future of Marriage
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Loss involves Change
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Intimacy in Relationships
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Living at the seam line
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Gambling
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Is it OK to use touch in psychotherapy?
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Borderline
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When Words Are Not Enough
Somatic Psychotherapy: a therapist's perspective -
If you are having suicidal thoughts...
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The Within, and the Between
The Art of Relationship Counselling -
The Good Fight
How taking your own side can minimise confusion and conflict -
Celebrate Success
The art of self congratulation -
Please Understand Me
Does personal temperament impact the therapeutic relationship? -
An Authentic Christmas
Give yourself and your loved ones the gift of choice this Christmas
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