I'm A Male And My Therapist Is A Woman.

Question: I'm a male and my therapist is a woman. I've had ten sessions in just under three months. Twice now I've attempted to stop seeing her by making up excuses but this has backfired both times. My feelings for her are quite strong, and this is the basis of my dilemma. It has become awkward because I told her that I have these feelings but led her to believe I was infatuated with someone I met through work. My question is this: Is there any point in continuing to see her? We have covered good ground together and could still make some progress as far as working through issues goes, but common sense tells me I should make a run for it and not look back.

Answer (1) I think that you are wise to be cautious in this situation yet I can't see that "making a run for it" is a real resolution. If you could muster your courage and talk with the therapist about what has happened, this would create an opportunity for your feelings and processes to be looked at within therapy. Even if you just had a completion session or two, you could gain useful insights. I would only suggest you leave straight away if the therapist was unable to hold her professional position and appropriate boundaries.

Answer provided by Fiona Halse, Psychotherapist

Answer (2) This well documented phenomenon is called erotic transference and is not all that unusual. Erotic transference can be spoken about openly and honestly and dealt with effectively by an experienced therapist. However, if your therapist is not all that experienced or clearly awkward about the matter, it may not be satisfactorily resolvable. If you talk to her about it, you may be able to get through it and continue with your obviously useful therapy. If you choose to say nothing, it could well become an unhealthy obsession that could destroy any benefit you might obtain from your treatment. The choice is yours.

Answer provided by David White, Psychotherapist

Answer (3) Clients disclose to a trusted counsellor very personal feelings and thoughts usually reserved for only our closest friends. The intimacy of this situation makes it not uncommon for clients to experience feelings of attachment and love for a counsellor. "Making a run for it" is your right but your counsellor should be familiar with such experiences and would probably prefer you to disclose the difficulty you are having so that it can be dealt with. Working through this difficulty could clarify things for you so the good work you have commenced with the counsellor will be able to continue minus the anxiety.

Answer provided by John Hunter, Counsellor