I never thought I was wary of intimacy and closeness before I came to realise this in my journey as a client with a psychodynamic therapist. The turning point of realisation occurred however not in a moment of a session, but during a professional development event where the issue of treatment length was raised. The speaker was a famous psychodynamic therapis ... Read more..

In this blog I’d like to focus on the issue of building trust and what this means for us as those seeking to grow, build community, and come along side others struggling on their way. Recent events ranging from terror threats in our neighbourhoods and overseas, fatal diesease alerts, high profile stars offering apologies for indiscretion ... Read more..

This week, being mental health week, I thought it was a good time to stop and reflect on all the things that maintain mental good health in my life. Good mental health can mean many things to many people but when I think of my own mental health I tend to think in terms of the things that contain, sustain, support and energise me.  I think in terms of wa ... Read more..

Betrayal is a breaking of trust and goodwill in a relationship that can take a long time to heal from and can leave us changed forever.  It has broken marriages, ended long term friendships and created rifts in families that can span generations.  It can happen suddenly and leave us feeling shocked, as in the case of an exposed affair. Or it ca ... Read more..

From my experience as a couples' therapist in the last 15 years, modern marriage appears to be moving towards more of a state of impermanence with acceptance rather than permanence with denial. Married couples appear more willing to split up quickly once they realise they no longer want to be together. The days of individuals living in unwanted marriages f ... Read more..

We all seek freedom and independence. We also seek intimacy and union. Often these two drives or instincts are perceived as being in conflict. Sometimes the quest for intimacy and union results in anxious attachment, which makes freedom and independence look terrifying. Other times the quest for intimacy and union results in anxious avoidance which can mak ... Read more..

For most of history, it would have been considered absurd that people would choose mates on something as irrational as love. People have always fallen in love, but it was not the main reason for getting married. For thousands of years, marriage served economic, political and social functions. Couples were not to put their feelings for each other above the ... Read more..

They say opposites attract. I don't have statistics on this, yet many years of counselling people on relationship issues have proven this to me. The very opposing characteristics that fascinate one initially, tends to be what frustrates them as the 'honeymoon phase' of the relationship ends and the real relating begins. This is where the problems start. ... Read more..

'The photo album is kept in remembrance of those we love and we trust our memory to them. It's the first and possibly the most sacred thing we grab if our home's on fire', I think out loud. Isabel, my 20-something grand-daughter and rebel art student, holds my hand and looks up at me with that special kind of wise young pity, reserved for very old and very s ... Read more..

Tell us about a movie that helped you better understand your relationship(s) or inspired you to make a move towards making your relationships matter. Adolescent Love A Walk to Remember This film follows the story of Jamie, a young girl with cancer and her developing relationship with Landon, a reckless teen who is not aware of her illness until they becom ... Read more..

Communication is the biggest reason couples get into conflict. Communication refers to all aspects of what you say, but many of us only focus on the words we speak. In fact, you communicate in a multitude of ways including your tone of voice, eye contact, body language, choice of words, and your unspoken and unintended messages. You also use silences, pauses ... Read more..

Everyone is heading to the Net in droves to seek out Love, Romance and Sex!! It is becoming a totally acceptable and legitimate form of dating. No longer do we have to go to bars and clubs to meet our perfect match - we can find them from the comfort of our own home. All we need is a dial up connection and a crash course in cyber talk! I won't bore you with ... Read more..

Celebrating difference is, in my view, one of the most critical challenges we humans need to face. I say this because it seems to me that intolerance is at the heart of many of the issues we struggle with today, both personally and globally. If we could move from intolerance to acceptance, I believe the world would be a very different place. 'Difference' si ... Read more..

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