Articles & Book Reviews 

Question: I'm interested in doing some therapy but I'm confused by what I've been reading in self help books. One line of thought is that therapy helps to get rid of the things in your life that you don't like or that cause you pain but there is another view that therapy helps a person to integrate. The first one gives me the impression that we create who we are in a the same way an artist sculpts. The second one tells me I am who I am and that I need to value all of who I am, including the bits that I'm inclined to discard; the good and the bad, the beautiful and the ugly, that which serves me well and that which doesn't. I once held the assumption that all therapists have the same goal just with different ways of achieving it. Now I'm asking: Would I be correct in thinking that they have opposing beliefs about the purpose of therapy?

Answer (1)  Well, speaking for myself, I dont see a contradiction here. Therapy being a multifaceted process, it has been my experience that it is the client who largely determines the goals and pace of the therapy through exploration and personal discovery. This is done often despite the overt and covert agendas of the therapist. I see my job as therapist to guide and facilitate, rather than control what's happening. I ask what I feel to be the hard questions, make suggestions about what may be contributing to the difficulties and the blocks and checks to their resolution. I have found this generates purposeful discussion and reflection far better than any preconceived notions about what I think should be going on.

Answer provided by David White, Psychotherapist

Answer (2)  Any goals in therapy should not be set by the therapist alone. This is done together with the client. And yes there are different goals in therapy. Not all therapy is about ‘getting rid of things in your life’. In fact, I don't believe you can discard or get rid of things in your life – sometimes therapy can help CHANGE how you perceive certain parts of yourself or your experiences. I think it is important to ACCEPT things in your life that you don’t like – not get rid of them. There is a major difference here. Therapy can also help people to integrate if that’s what they want.
 
Therapy can help you see things more clearly, make choices about what to do, raise your awareness about who you are and how you live your life, heal your emotional wounds, process feelings, become more balanced, more emotionally mature, acquire an understanding about who you are and your relationships etc. Therapy has a different meaning for different clients. In my view, a good therapist will develop a trusting relationship with his or her client and will NOT make decisions or set goals for them. A good therapist will help the client to become empowered and to develop inner strength so that the client walks away with the ability to solve their own problems and process experiences towards acceptance.

Answer provided by Rita Maulucci, Psychologist

Answer (3)  It does appear confusing. I would say that we sometimes need to work through unfinished business from our past that we have tried to avoid because we believed we could not deal with it. When it bothers us enough, we tend to be more ready to tackle it. A therapist or others in our lives can give us the tools, outlook, motivation to face our demons and resolve issues. I think it is wiser not to bury and deny these things happened.

If we just have the humility that we are no more and no less human than others in our past shortcomings, forgive, and try to learn from the experience, we can own all our history as part of the journey. This is growth.

Answer provided by John Hunter, Counsellor