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Question:  My estranged partner, diagnosed as narcissistic and obsessive compulsive, is making life very difficult for me and our young daughter. He criticises me in front of her and tells her that mummy is sick in the head. I am patient to a degree, but I don't know how to deal with this. He has an episode at least once a year, usually around the same time, however on this occasion he has been more vindictive and more persistent. His behaviour is particularly inappropriate toward our daughter. How do I protect us both without upsetting him further?

Answer:  If your ex indeed has these disorders, you will not be able to induce him to be more reasonable by creeping around on eggshells and trying to propitiate him. All it would mean to him is that you seem to be a passive and easy target for his venom whenever the mood takes him. You owe it to yourself and your daughter to take back control of this situation. If he cannot or will not behave in an appropriate manner, go back to the court, explain the situation fully and ask for supervised access. Try not to worry about upsetting him, it's ultimately unavoidable. People like this need to be firmly managed, or else their participation becomes intolerable and ever more damaging if left unchecked.

Answer provided by David White, Psychotherapist