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Question:  I've been going out with my girlfriend for nearly three years now and am starting to think about settling down.  She says she won't marry me while I have a so called 'drinking problem'.  Her attitude really annoys me - why should I give up one of the few pleasures in life?  I don't get why she can't just accept me the way I am.

Answer (1)  Without knowing the pattern of your drinking it is hard to know how much of a "problem" it really is but obviously your girlfriend is bothered by it. If this relationship is important it may be worth putting some effort into clarifying this issue. Any addiction would seriously interfere with a marriage as someone's relationship with their addiction always comes first.

Answer provided by Fiona Halse

Answer (2)  It may help you to get an objective opinion, independent of your girlfriend. A counsellor with experience in assessment and treatment of alcohol and other drug issues would by asking a few questions be able to tell you whether you met the criteria for problematic use. Hearing it from someone impartial can be useful. Whether people are alcohol dependent / addicted, are binge-drinkers, or drink relatively little, if their drinking is a problem for them, then they have a problem worth working on. Your drinking certainly sounds like it is a problem for your girlfriend and needs to be looked at if you want the relationship to continue.  It may also be useful to go as a couple for a chance to discuss the issue and beliefs around alcohol together.

Answer provided by John Hunter, Counsellor