The personalities of a client and a therapist don't always mesh.

I'd like to share what counselling has done for me. This is my story. 

My husband and I had been having counselling with a therapist just before he left.  More and more I felt that she was not supporting me and so I moved on.

The psychologist I found next, after several visits, wasn’t able to connect with the pain I was going through. From this experience I realised that the personalities of a client and a therapist don't always mesh.  This isn't anyone's fault.  Sometimes personalities are just too different.

Next I saw a male psychologist.  The insight that he gave me into some of my ex-husband’s behaviour and what that was probably saying about him was fascinating, and stays with me to this day.  Things about the marriage began to make sense to me.  I also began to let go of a dream that was not consistent with reality.  Although I benefited from seeing this psychologist I couldn’t afford the money it would have cost to continue.

The next psychologist, I connected with straight away.  She seemed to understand what I was feeling and reassured me that I wasn't going crazy.  She showed me ways to avoid being influenced by what my ex-husband was doing.  She helped me with ideas about how to support my children emotionally, and what were healthy boundaries to put in place - what I should allow and where I should draw the line. This was so helpful at this particular time, as I was quite traumatised by the divorce proceedings. 

When there was too much happening to cope alone, my therapist helped me to stay sane.  At one stage I lost my memory and then my physical health.  With no-one to care for me, my psychologist found a mission to take me in and nurse me back to health.  I believe that this is more than most psychologists would be able to do but she was very well networked.  I will never be able to repay her for being the right person in my life at my lowest time.  I hate to think what would have happened to me and my children, had we not had this remarkable woman in our lives.

These days I only see her, a couple of times a year, usually to discuss a current relationship that I am exploring with a guy or to help me grieve and move on at the end of it.  She has seen so much of my life in 11 years: given support and helped me find direction in so many areas.  She never tells me what to do but listens supportively and when asked, tells me if she thinks that is an emotionally healthy choice that I am making.   She sometimes draws diagrams on her whiteboard about how different situations evolve and illustrates where different choices might lead to. This helps me clarify which path I will choose.  

I have read many books and done lots of courses, but more than any of these, it has been my psychologist that has gotten me through.